And just like that it was over. I left the hospital yesterday morning and have been trying to acclimate back to real life.
These last 18 days took a lot out of me physically and emotionally. I’m not sure I realized at the time quite how sick I was and how hard it was on my body to run high temperatures for days at a time. Physically, I feel so weak and tired. I lost an amazing amount of muscle mass in my legs. My pants are hanging off me, but it doesn’t look good AND I can’t walk up a flight of stairs without getting really tired. This is the stupidest way to lose weight ever, by the way.
As for my emotional state, I feel wasted. The hospital really brought me down in ways I can’t explain. It was torture. My spirit feels weak which is so much harder to deal with than weak legs. I feel differently about this state of infirmary now. I am a Real Sick Person.
I don’t expect to be Sick for much longer. Being out of the hosp and back at work should bring my endorphins back. If not, my mom, the social worker, and Dr. K have all been making noises about anti depressants and how chemically, this experience really whacked out my brain and I might need some help normalizing… As for my legs, we all know my massive hams love nothing more than to gain muscle mass at alarming speed… it will just be hard work. I hate having to go back to zero.
Today I am celebrating that I am work and I have been here since . It feels so good to have things to do and structure to my day.