There's no such thing

As too many pairs of David Kahn jeans. Especially if you buy them on eBay. I know, I said I would never buys jeans on eBay again, but the third time must be a charm because these are absolutely perfect. I found my favorite pair of jeans that I bought about 18 months ago (and since have been discontinued) but two sizes smaller. They fit beautifully.

Oh right. I went to the oncologist today. Dr. K is back! I forgot to ask him about his vacation... I was too busy bragging about the 4 mile run. Anyway, my WBC is up to 8.2, my crit is 37 (up from 25), and platelets 223. That's pretty damn good. Pretty damn normal. Normal enough to start chemo. I was like "whoa there, I don't want to take Cytoxan because I don't want lymphoma and I possibly DO want babies." And Dr. K was like, "Jessie, I wrote a paper about how Cytoxan in such small doses as I'm giving you has no effect on whether you get cancer again and EVERY drug I give you has the possibility of rendering you infertile, but you're young and we'll just see..." And I was like, "meh, good enough, shoot me up."

Cytoxan in. Ara C shot #1 (of 8) done. This was the last big one. There are lots and lots of small drugs to come, but the Cytoxan is the last drug that will send my counts down and make me feel really bad. Ara-C just makes me not hungry which is awesome since I found out by reading my chart that my ideal weight is FORTY FIVE POUNDS less then I weigh right now as 5'8" and a size 10 (with huge breasts, I might add). Will someone redo the BMI already? I think we all realize that it's totally fucked up to call me obese.

The Cytoxan should take full effect sometime early next week so I'm planning on gettin down and partying at Brandon's b-day tomorrow. And perhaps visitors from the South will arriving on my doorstep? Have I ever mentioned what BAMF friends I have? I have BAMF friends.

It's so good to keep doing the "lasts." A couple weeks ago I could tell my nurses, "this is my last Adriomyacin." Today I was able to say to everyone "this is the last Bad Drug I have to take." It was almost scary. On one hand I totally hate chemo and I hate what it's done to my life, but who will I be and what will I do when I have to merge back into the semblance of a normal life? I mean, luckily I have monthly chemo for years, but when they pull the Hick, when the big stuff is over, when my social life doesn't revolve around the nursing staff at the Swedish Cancer Center... My therapist was like, "the transition back can be rough." And I was like, "hah!" But today I had my first taste of panic. I've gotten really good at being a cancer patient. I'm like the best cancer patient at Swedish. Everyone loves me. I do everything I'm supposed to... anyway, I'm good at normal life too, I just saw the light at the end of the tunnel today and it was really bright.

Packages

My stupid organic deodorant failed about 20 minutes into today. It was sort of a sign that I was meant to wilt as well I think. The day was long, I had the new deep tired I've been experiencing weighing down on me and I was kind of a dud at all the meetings I had to go to. But the nice thing about this level of being tired is that you also REALLY don't care.

When I got home there were packages.

Package #1: Parafilm! I'm supposed to wrap the tips of my Hick in something when I shower. The Hosp uses parafilm, but apparently the homecare folks and the pharmacy have never heard of it... This is some bad communication. After weeks of using Sararan wrap and haggling with different people at Swedish, I took things into my own hands and dropped $40 on my own personal supply of Parafilm.

So I think it's safe to say we all know which boy I fell in love with the summer I was 17, but I can narrow it down almost to the moment. It was after he tried to heat up some top ramen using a parafilm cover (it melted wax into his meal), but before he actually ate the noodles and parafilm. Gross.

Package #2: eBay purchased jeans. It seemed like too good a deal to be true. And it was. I found my favorite brand of jeans, favorite style, and new size on eBay for $130 off retail price. And it turns out someone hemmed the inseem to 30". All sales final. FUCK. They do fit perfectly, they're just a smidge too short. Someone pointed out that maybe I'll be able to let the hem out a bit, but upon further inspection, I think it's going to be close. Whatever. Andrea wears her jeans that short all the time and it look really CUTE so maybe I just need some Vans or something.

I am so tired right now. Going to Portland was an awesome time (drinking, friends, food, family) but it probably wasn't a good idea in the long run. I'm already deep tired and I have to get up at 5:15 tomorrow morning to fly to Pittsburgh for another work thing. I will be home on Saturday.

Cancer news flash: Today I started IV methotrexate and Dr K threw in a little Zofran and Decadron to ease any possible side effects. I am non plussed. The Z makes me really constipated and the 'roids make me crazy. Whatevs, still feeling OK tonight.

Alright, I must shower and pack and then sleep because QRachel will be here in about 6 hours. I can sleep on the plane right?