Saturday, September 13, 2008


Getting up this morning at 7am and going to work--a service project with 25 high school students--was physically one of the most challenging things I have ever done. To channel an old rugby phrase, I woke up feeling like "total butthole." The longer I was awake, the easier things got, but man I was totally beat and just taking a wheelbarrow up a steep hill (empty) left me heaving and wanting to pass out.

After the work project I headed for the chemo center and CBC revealed that going to work and playing around tools all day was one of the stupider things I have done since diagnosis. Platelets 20, WBC 1.2, Crit 23.

Tomorrow I am getting my last Cytarabine shot EVER, another blood transfusion and a G-shot. Maybe some platelets. So yeah, I feel pretty punky and more than a little nervous about my counts. My nadir is supposed to be Tues-Wed, but if I get Nupagen tomorrow, I might avoid it all together. I think this is low enough for my comfort. Why is this last push so crappy? Why is the Universe trying to rain on my parade? Tomorrow is my LAST INTENSIVE CHEMO TREATMENT!!! Why can't I enjoy it?


Lois said...

because you feel like crap. can't get the energy up to be excited about anything. so what if it is anticlimatic: celebrate when your body is up to celebrating...

Love and strength to ya,

Auntie Lolo

Sarah said...

You are so almost there jes, and I am so proud/inspired/delighted for you. We will have last push party times this weekend. love you.

Bekah said...

Last push, lassst push! You've done it baby. Hope you are celebratin' your amazing-ness. Whether that be with a cup of green tea and yoga poses, watching oprah, or cooking. Do something good for yourself this week J.. because man oh man, you've EARNED this.

With ya,