Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Getting honest with yinz

I can’t decide if my site hits are going down because I’m healthy which is boring or because people are losing interest in my blog because it’s boring in general. I do get some hilarious hits due to people’s crazy google-ing. Like if you google “Abe Korn Corvallis” like someone did, you end up on this blog. Not that I blame that person.

Dear Anonymous Abe Korn lover,

Once in high school I dreamt I made out with Abe Korn. It was a good make-out dream. If he weren’t my friend on Facebook, I’d probably google him too. Actually, I google people I have crushes on even if we’re already friends. Once I googled someone back about 21 google-pages in an effort to gather information. Whatever, I’ve never said I don’t get a little nuts sometimes.


Quite honestly, I’m getting a little bored too. I mean, I talk about Cancer a LOT and the other day I was wondering if it was getting boring. But then I was like, this is kind of ALL I have going on right now. I pretty much spend my free time at the treatment center and I’m so hyper aware of my body and various symptoms blah blah. Like, Mondays and Tuesdays are rough because Monday I have a spinal tap, radiation, and I take a week’s worth of 6MP. Then I have a headache and want to barf for 2 days and then I feel great.

Let me tell you about the run I went on on Sunday. It was kind of hilarious. It was more of a gimp-jog since my legs don’t exactly… work right. Pred makes your hips really weak and I still don’t really understand what happened to my strength and balance when I was in the Hosp in March—but I’m pretty klutzy these days. I fall over a lot. When I make sudden movements I often lose my balance. Running, I felt like a baby giraffe learning to trust its legs again. I also did a lot of walking. By the end of my out and back along Beacon ridge I was focusing solely on getting a STRIDE going and it was a little terrifying. I’m going to attempt at least one run a week I’ve decided. The rest of the week riding the bike and walking to work/radiation should suffice.

Here’s the thing, I’ve kind of had it with all this. I want to return to… normal. I want to go running and lead a crew this summer and go hiking with my friends when the weather is good and drink more than one beer and develop a life outside of hanging out with oncology nurses etc, etc and I don’t know if that’s possible. But I don’t feel bitter or grumpy about it, just sort of… pumped up.


Steph said...

But Jessie, oncology nurses are so hot!

DasBecca said...

Amazon is shipping your order today, so HOPEFULLY you will have package on your doorstep in a week or so. :-) And I visit all the time... Sorry for being such a creepy lurker.

kerry said...

you are so totally a pittsburgher at heart! you said "yinz"!!!!!

Bekah said...

dear jesse -

being pumped up about other things besides cancer is totally normal. I applaud you, for not having the 'anger' that most kids our age, that have cancer do...

I'll be thinking of you Monday and Tuesday as you are chillin' at the cancer center.

know you're not alone... some of us are right there with you.

All my Love,